After School Unwind Session: "Move like a jellyfish"

Sometimes we need to just stop overthinking, planning, and worrying. Just go with the flow. In yesterday's blog post, I made a list of daily tasks to help my mind and body "reset." I thought it was a pretty solid list. I was able to check off a couple more things today than yesterday, which is a good start. However, my biggest success arrived last night when I was trying out a different meditation video. 

This meditation/hypnosis video was much better than the one I had on the night before. A man with a calming voice talks you through the meditation and hypnosis to help with jaw tension, clenching, and grinding. As I was relaxing and focusing on his words, there was a moment when I couldn't believe my ears. 

"...your self hypnosis will help you to safely relearn, retrain, and powerfully reset your body and your mind's habits with a much deeper sense of relief..."

RESET

It still amazes me how the universe knows exactly what we need.  By me blogging about how I wanted to "reset" my mind and body each day, I ended up putting it out into the universe. Then during the video I hear him saying that listening to this will help me "reset." I actually laughed out-loud. The universe brought it to me. All of that planning I did by creating that list...for nothing?!

No, not for nothing.

One video on YouTube is not the end all, be all. I still have to pay attention to what I'm doing during the day and break the bad habits and routines that I got myself wrapped up in. Don't get me wrong, the video was VERY helpful! I fell sound asleep before it even ended. The only negative thing I have to say about the video is that when it ended, a YouTube add came on immediately afterwards, which startled me out of my sleep since I had the volume up quite a bit to hear the calming background sounds during the meditation. So, that advertisement messed things up a bit, since I was using it to relax and get a good night's sleep! However, I did fall back to sleep shortly after and slept the whole night! It didn't "cure" my jaw pain. I still must have been clenching and grinding my teeth at some point during the night. But there definitely was a different in the quality of sleep that I got and the pain level in my jaw in the morning. 

Go With The Flow

So maybe I just need to go with the flow. I need to stop overthinking, over-planning, and worrying about things. Maybe I just need to give things some thought, then go with the flow to see what happens. It's always good to have a plan for anything in life. But, it's ok if we deviate from that plan a little. 

Tonight I'm listening to Jack Johnson. It's perfectly fitting because even though I have never met the guy, he seems like the most chill and laidback person ever. Listening to his music always puts me in a very calm, serene, and light mood. So, I'll follow his advise this evening and throughout the weekend:

"Move like a jellyfish,

Rhythm is nothing

You go with the flow

You don't stop"
Jack Johnson - "Bubble Toes"

Album: Brushfire Fairytales

Hmm...now that I think about it, reflecting on the day while listening to my music, I realize that I must have subconsciously known this morning what I was going to listen to tonight. I read to my class "Octopus's Garden" by Ringo Star and Illustrated by Ben Cort. Definitely a water theme going on today. I added this book to my Music Themed Children's Books list. 

So tonight, I'll be a jellyfish, just going with the flow, "in an Octopus's Garden in the shade." I'll try to just live life, enjoy every moment, and see where the current takes me, without over-thinking.

After School Unwind Session: "Making a list, checking it twice...three times...four times..."

Between school going all virtual, the upcoming holidays, and other things we will just put under the category of "Life," my anxieties were at high-level, code red today.

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

This was me this morning. I felt like I had a cold, I have all of the symptoms of a UTI (who DIDN'T see that coming?!), Google Meets were glitching up a storm, and no amount of music from our "Classroom Playlist" was helping me. I mean, look at the way the elf on the shelf was looking at me!

Poor little guy looks scared for his life and wants OUT! Maybe he will feel bad for me and tell Santa that I deserve lots of spa and liquor store gift cards if I am lucky!

Where is the RESET button?!

If life only had a reset button, things would be so much easier. I would have pressed that button this morning and started the day over. However, no such button exists. 

But, could one exist?

If you ask anyone who I work with, they will tell you I'm OCD. I don't throw terms around like that very easily. I have many of the signs of OCD. I just always try to be in control of it, such as making sure I say aloud to myself as I'm locking my front door, "Melissa, you are locking the door. There is no need to get back out of the car AGAIN to check to make sure you locked it." Another trait is that I have a TON of lists. I LOVE lists. I will always find an excuse to create a list! So maybe my "reset button" has to be a list.

Melissa's Daily Tasks To Complete In Order To
"Reset" And "Recharge" Everyday

 1. Start the day with yoga

 2. Morning cup of coffee

 3. Protein shake with added digestion support and fiber

 4. Drink 64 ounces of water

 5. Take multiple pee breaks

 6. Take computer breaks

 7. Eat lunch AND dinner...no more skipping meals!

 8. Blog/write while listening to music

 9. Read

10. Meditate

11. Wash

12. Rinse

13. Sleep

14. Repeat

Side note: I had to do some editing in my list a few times because it had to have an even number of tasks, and of course I couldn't finish with 13 items. Seriously...it's 2020 and I'm NOT taking any chances!

I wonder if I commit myself to completing this task list daily, it would work as a "reset" button every morning and every night? I won't know unless I test it out.

Even though most of the day is gone already and I barely checked ANYTHING off of the list so far, I will do my best to end the day strong. Last night I did try out one of the meditation videos to help with grinding my teeth at night. To be honest, it didn't do much of anything for me. I'm expecting more to come out of it. So, I will give a different video a try this evening. I'm not giving up until I figure out a way to enhance my mental wellness on a subconscious level.

To all of my fellow list-lovers out there, try making a list of tasks that could help your own mental well-being. Maybe this can be our own version of a reset button, with a sound start and end of each day, loaded with important tasks our brain and body needs in the middle. There is no perfect list.

I'll say that again louder for the people in the back: THERE IS NO PERFECT LIST! (I had to say it again louder for myself too, because I need to hear it.)

Just like writing, our body's needs and requirements constantly have to be proofread, revised, and edited. However, there will not be a final draft. 

I am a work in progress, and so are you.

In the meantime, I'm going to listen to the advise given by the Eagles, and "take it easy."

Now Spinning: Eagles - Their Greatest Hits

After School Unwind Session: "They Call Me The Seeker"

Opening Up

I'm going to be open and honest with all of you:
I'm usually more concerned and worried about others than myself. I worry about my students. But I have to understand that I'm doing everything that I can to make virtual learning non-stressful for them. I need to tell myself "The Kids Are Alright." 

But what about me? Am I alright?

I've been having to go to the dentist lately because my TMJ is acting up pretty severely. It turns out I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw really bad at night. I've been on a soft food diet for over 2 weeks. Luckily, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, as well as wine, are "soft foods." Now I'm getting a night guard made to wear when I go to bed to prevent the grinding. The dentist said it is probably stress-driven and made a remark that maybe during summer break I won't need it anymore. Funny, and yet not funny at the same time.

I've been practicing so many mindfulness and mindset techniques to help with stress and anxiety that I face during the day. But how do I take control of it when I'm asleep?

Now Spinning: 
The Who - Meaty Beaty Big And Bouncy

"I'm looking for me
You're looking for you
We're looking in at each other
And we don't know what to do"
lyrics from "The Seeker"
Songwriter: Peter Townshend 

I thought this album was perfect to spin tonight for a few reasons. One being that there are so many amazing "The Who" hits compiled here. This is one that I can listen to straight through from beginning to end without skipping a track. If you recall, a couple evenings ago I played music and I focused on the instruments and melody. But tonight I'm focusing on lyrics. 

"The Seeker" really resonates with me this evening. It is crazy how music and lyrics work. I can listen to a song and it can mean one thing to me. But then you can go ahead and listen to the same song and you take it to mean something completely different. Only the songwriters know the TRUE meaning of each song they create. However, does that make our own different interpretations wrong? If we asked them, I don't think they would think so. That's the beautiful thing about art. Paintings are art that reaches our souls through our eyes. Music is art that reaches our souls through our ears.

I'm interpreting this song this evening as seeking things that are out of our reach. Things that no one else can help us find. This evening I'm seeking answers that only I can find for myself. I obviously need to figure out on a subconscious level what needs to be done to stop grinding my teeth at night. I need to figure out how to keep my energy shield up while I'm asleep...how to keep it up subconsciously. I'm seeking restful nights of sound sleep in bed where I'm not waking up at 3:30am daily with a clenched jaw.

I looked up some meditation videos on YouTube specifically for grinding teeth and found a few that are long enough that I should fall asleep before it ending. This is what I think I need. Maybe this will help me get some clarity subconsciously. 

Have you tried any meditation videos before for sleep? If so, please share your experiences in the comments as well as links if they are available! 

I will keep you posted on my bedtime meditations. So stick around on my blogging journey! We can all work together to achieve ultimate mental wellness.

"So I dig, deep in the belly of my soul"

Throughout the last few months, I have had an interest in learning more about Reiki and experiencing it firsthand. I've been practicing some of my own meditation and self care rituals, but I wanted to add a Reiki experience to my list of practices. So, today I went to my first Reiki session and it was better than I imagined. 

My Reiki master was very thorough. I was there for just slightly over two hours for the actually Reiki session and an intuitive reading afterwards that dug deep into my many layers and how to move forward. Best of all, she recorded the reading so I can hear her explanations again to remember things. She is also emailing me a report. I'm not going to go into all of the details of my reading, but I will share some of the highlights.

Who Am I?

If you have been following my blog, you may recall one of my latest blog posts that dug into the question of "Who Am I?" a little bit. It turns out that I need to do just that. According to my Reiki master, she said that right now I'm so full of what others expect me to be or what others think I am. But I need to dig down deep within myself to figure out what makes me ME. If you would have seen the look on my face!!! 

Another thing worth mentioning was that I'm supposed to be doing something BIGGER. What that is, I do not know. She asked me if I had any idea what it would be if I wasn't teaching. I told her about my passion for music and that I recently started a blog. She said that what I'm doing could be a stepping stone for something big to come. My energy field was just so huge and bright that it was "too big for my body and for what I'm doing in my life." 

She unveiled some of my fears that she got from the reading. I had mentioned to her that I am so full of anxiety sometimes that I don't even know where it is coming from. She found that I have a fear of not having enough time to do everything that I want and need to do. I also have a fear of failure. Both are true. I'm always rushing around, talking a mile a minute, as if there isn't enough time for everything. And yes, I'm always extremely hesitant of breaking out of my comfort zone for fear of failure.

The final thing from the reading that I want to share is that from my solar plexus down, she could not get any reading. There were no vibrations. I then shared with her that when I meditate, I visualize so vividly and I can feel its effects. However, my legs end up feeling like lead! She said I need to start doing some yoga to begin opening up those other chakras.

So....now what?!

I need use everything that I have gained from this reiki experiences to my benefit. But where to start? Well, I definitely need to come up with a plan:

• Get into a good yoga routine.
• Dig down deep to know and understand who I really am
• Find some good throat and heart chakra meditations to open them up even more
• When I start to feel the onset of anxiety arising, I need to face it head on and pick it apart to figure out what the actual trigger is. 

Life's Music Connection:

Now Playing: 

Maggie Koerner - "Dig Down Deep"

Album: Dig Down Deep EP

Let me introduce you to a powerhouse of a woman vocalist, Miss Maggie Koerner. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her live in Pompono Beach, Florida, back in April 2017. I remember the moment she opened her mouth to sing, the world around me stood still. I got chills. The only thing that existed at that moment in time was her voice and her lyrics. 

Maggie Koerner
CrawDebauchery Food and Music Festival
Pompano Beach, Florida
April 2017

Me and Maggie Koerner
World Cafe Live
Philadelphia, PA
September 18, 2019

Her music has really helped me through a lot since then. To be quite honest, I listen to her a lot at school after I put the children on their buses just to release any anxieties of the day. Certain artists speak to me. It's like they know what is going on in my head and their music is my antidote for any stress that I'm feeling.

So, the simple answer to many of my questions has been there all along. It was right in front of my face the entire time. It has been playing through my car, phone, and home speakers multiple days of the week. And yet I never REALLY listened to what Maggie was saying: 

"What do you say once in the light of day
What do you find once give in to time
So I did, so I dig, down in the belly of my soul
Dig down deep, deep deep deep
Deep in the belly where I lay"
-Maggie Koerner, "Dig Down Deep"

My Reiki master told me today that the reason I'm so exhausted is because I'm constantly trying to consciously figure things out within myself. That is what is draining all of the energy out of me. This whole time I thought I was exhausted from trying to block out negativity. The truth is, I need to stop trying to CONSCIOUSLY figure things out because it is deeper than that. Instead it needs to be done on a subconscious level. How? Maybe meditation. She even suggested using some singing bowls since I respond so well to music and sound.

I'm very glad I tried out Reiki today. The funny thing is, now that I am more aware of myself, my chakras, and my energy field, I have even more questions about myself. 

But, isn't that what always happens? Life can be such a puzzle sometimes. But I'll continue to piece together what makes me ME.

After School Unwind Session: “How does it feel..."

I’m writing today’s blog feeling half asleep. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but it seems like I’m feeling overly tired everyday by the end of the day. More so than usual. I’m attributing this to mental exhaustion. I actually talked with a coworker/friend after school today and she was saying how tired she has been as well. We are somewhat confused by it because it's a different kind of tired. No one has ever experienced anything like this before. It's not so much the work load that is making us feel this way. It's the combination of that along with stress, anxiety, concern for our students and parents, and a lot of computer time and virtual meetings with our students and colleagues as well. With all of the adjustments we as educators had to make since March 13th, it has been mentally draining. And experiencing this type of mental fatigue alerts me that I need to do something about it.

I am going to be brutally honest here...I have absolutely no idea what to do for myself to help with this different type of mental exhaustion. I’ve been going to bed early every night. I’m also taking more vitamins (vitamin C, D, and calcium). I’ve been trying to avoid being on the laptop after school and have taken a giant step back from social media because that ALONE can be mentally draining. I’m also taking some time for self care by listening to music, relaxing, reading, and writing for self reflection. So the only thing I can think of doing that I’m not already doing is to devote time to exercise.  

I used to go to the gym quite often. I used to be there at the very least 4 days a week. I would do cardio each of those days by doing the elliptical machine or the bike for 45-50 minutes. I would then do some strength training on different muscle groups and focus on one or two muscle groups each day. While working out, my favorite thing to listen to would be a 90s Hip Hop channel. It always got me pumped and kept me going. My last day at the gym was March 11. So, I have a feeling that my body is overly craving a good workout regimen. 

I think my main issue right now is that I’m not holding myself accountable for exercising during the week. I feel like I need an accountability partner. My good friend Randy who lives in NY reached out to me and said that we could be walking buddies. We can walk at the same time certain days to motivate each other. We could text or talk on the phone to push each other to keep going. I’m definitely going to take him up on that offer. But we have very different work schedules that might make it difficult on most days. 

So I'm thinking maybe I should have a few accountability partners. I mean, really, I need all the help that I can get. Maybe we can create a playlist of songs together that would motivate us. The playlist is KEY to getting through a workout. It could make you or break you. The wrong songs on the playlist will have you wanting to take more rests than reps.  I also would want to have an accountability partner to think of different exercises that we can do from our own homes that target certain muscle groups and maybe walk “together” before the weather gets too chilly. If you're reading this and you are relating to this blog, PLEASE, reach out to me. Maybe we can do this thing together and support each other! 

On a lighter note, what are some "must have" songs on your work out playlist? Do you play one type of genre for cardio, then something completely different weights/strength training? Please comment and share! As I mentioned earlier, I usually play a 90s Hip Hop mix. I'm curious to hear what all of you listen to !

For now though, some music therapy to unwind and relax a little. 

Now Spinning: "Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits"

🎵 "If your time to you is worth savin'
And you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'" 🎵 
-Bob Dylan

"Holdin' On"

Unfortunately last night I didn't make the time to relax to some music. It was a very busy day after school and preparing for my evening conferences on Google Meet. I went to my mother's to have dinner with her and my step-father and decided to just stay there to conduct my conferences. Don't get me wrong...the conferences went well. I have an amazing group of parents this year who are extremely supportive. But as you know, it's 2020 and we are all full of different anxieties over different things. 

It saddens me that some of my little rock starts become full of anxiety when doing their work virtually. We must remember that every child is different and they  process things in different ways. Some children thrive with virtual learning, while others need that in person contact with the teacher. So hearing about some of them having anxiety while learning from home hit me hard. I felt grateful that this one parent felt comfortable enough to open up to me about it. We discussed ideas, strategies, and tools they can use at home to help their child with coping with virtual learning. What just about broke me though was when the mother just about broke down crying in relief. It was like a ton of weight was lifted from her just knowing that we are going to all get through this together as a team. I reassured her that she is an amazing parent and has raised her child so wonderfully that she should not only be proud of him, but to also be proud of HERSELF. She got very emotional and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. But alas, we are on Google Meet.

I am one of those empaths that physically and emotionally feel what others are physically and emotionally feeling. So when this parent was telling me about their child's struggles with anxiety during their virtual learning days, I became overwhelmed with anxiety myself. I was literally feeling the same things he probably feels. I went to bed last night feeling restless, my heart racing, and my mind going a mile a minute. 

What I should have done? Listen to music. Obviously.

But did I do the obvious? Well, let's just say I'm hanging my head in shame as I answer with a pathetic "no." 

Out of all days/evenings, music was needed the most last night. I'm sure I would have had a little better of an evening and a better night's sleep if I did listen to some music. So, hopefully I learned my lesson.

Today is an all-virtual day for all students. They are all watching the video lessons and completing their assignments at home while I'm alone in my classroom meeting with students in groups and some 1-on-1 sessions. It's probably for the best that I'm alone in my room. Why? Well, can you guess what's going on in my classroom?

Music is playing. Yes, I do learn from my mistakes quickly (well, most of the time at least...no one is perfect and sometimes I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment).

Now playing: Citizen Cope (all albums on shuffle on my phone)

Today's spotlight tracks: "Holdin' On" and "Sideways"

If you haven't heard of Citizen Cope, I highly suggest giving them a listen. Very mellow stuff. One of my recent favorite tracks is "Holdin' On." It is one of those songs where the melody hits you straight in your core. I literally "feel" this song. Yes, I'm also one of those people who physically feel music. Sometimes I feel it on my skin. This song...well, I actually feel the melody running through my veins. 

There is some music I listen to for the lyrics. Then others I listen to for the melody. Then there are some special ones that both the lyrics and melody are equally powerful. I usually listen to Citizen Cope for the melodies. The instrumentals that I am listening to as I have it on shuffle are so soothing and therapeutic for me today. 

I am working hard today to keep my energy shield activated to block out negative energy. I'm continuing to take in only positive energy around me and release it into the world around me.

In the meantime, I continue to sing myself the lyrics
🎵 "Let yourself go girl, let yourself go..."🎵

"Easy Like Sunday Morning"

Well, today I finally started my blog. I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while, but really didn't know what I actually wanted to blog about. Teaching? My meditations? Music? So I found a way to combine it all into one. 

I'm a first grade teacher. Teaching in the year 2020 has been "interesting," to say the least. Sundays never seem to be quite easy for me. My anxieties usually come to surface as I imagine the week ahead of me. I've been working on ways to keep my own anxieties at bay, while finding ways to keep my students' (both who are live and virtual) low. I always found that music can change your mood instantly. It's incredible how certain melodies or lyrics can mess with our emotions! I've always found ways to infuse music into our everyday routines in my classroom. But this year, I want to take it a step further. I want to see exactly how students react to what I play for them, their opinions of the music, and how it made them feel.

I also want to play my own music after school to unwind and decompress. I'm a vinyl lover and have a pretty decent size collection. You may be curious to what I listen to in particular. The answer to that isn't quite simple. I practically listen to EVERYTHING. I'm always eager to listen to new music that friends, family, and even complete strangers recommend!

With that being said, I want to reach out to YOU...yes, YOU, sitting there, reading my first blog post. Something drew you to this page. It was meant to be. 

Maybe it was meant for me to share the music I listen to with you. 

Maybe you are a teacher and it was meant to let you know that you are NOT alone with your anxieties and emotions right now. 

Maybe you were meant to share with me some music that inspires you and conjures up different emotions.

Whatever the reason that you decided to view my blog, I hope that you stick around. Let's go on this journey together, exploring how music affects us.