Do you ever hear a song that immediately brings you back to a specific time and place in your life? You may have quite a few songs that do that to you! If you have the desire to read up on WHY that happens, check out this article by Tiffany Jenkins (the brain is so fascinating to me!).
Today as I was watching football with the family, a commercial came on that brought me back in time to my first year teaching.
Today's Track: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
You might be wondering why on earth a 1967 Motown love song reminds me of my first year teaching. Well, hop into my time machine so I can take you back to 2003...
September 2003...I was 22 years old...just a baby and fresh out of college! I taught third grade in Atlantic City, NJ my first year teaching and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Literally...my first day there to set up my room, I had to ask administration exactly what grade did they hired me for because no one even told me!
It was a very tough year, to say the least. I'm sure there are more teachers than not that could say that they questioned their career path their first year teaching. I questioned it every day. These kids pushed me. I honestly didn't think I was going to last the school year without resigning or having a nervous break down. I dealt with a variety of behavioral issues, broke up fights, all while trying to make my classroom a "safe place" for my kids. Yes, I STILL call them "my kids." I know they came from so many different backgrounds, family dynamics, and economic statuses. But to me, they were all just third graders who I knew really needed me. And I needed them.
I'm not stupid. I know quite a few of them were trying to scare me away. They probably took one look at me that first day and placed bets on how long I would last! We had "classroom grandmas" who came and volunteered in classrooms to help out. I knew I was in over my head when my classroom grandma left me in the dust after 2 weeks.
I would call my mother daily, usually in tears, telling her how I managed to survive another day. And she would call me every morning to make sure I got myself into my car and drive back to school for another day of teaching. Well, one morning on my drive in, "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" came on my iPhone's shuffle. I listened to it with a different set of ears. I knew these kids needed me, no matter how high they built their walls around them or how hard they pushed me away. I knew I had to do whatever it took to get to them. If I reached ONE child, it was an accomplishment in my mind.
So picture this young, too-skinny white girl with no rhythm blasting this song for the kids and telling them to listen to the lyrics as I sang and danced around the room. Of course they thought I finally lost my mind. To their credit, I probably did. But I was determined to get them to let their walls down. I told them that I was here for THEM. There was a reason that I got this job as my first teaching job right out of college. It was what I was meant to do in that moment in time and nothing was going to stop me from being there for them, no matter how hard they pushed me away.
I started staying after school to reteach everything from the day for any student who wanted to stay since we had so many disruptions due to behaviors. Soon, I was having my regulars show up. Then some of my regulars had their siblings younger and older hang out with us as well. It wasn't all academics. We talked about whatever was on their minds.
One day one of my students came in so excited because his mom got that evening off and was going to be home for dinner and they had a nice meal all planned out to have all together with the family. I was so happy for him because his mom worked crazy shifts at the casinos and she usually wasn't home for dinner. Well, it turned out that she ended up getting called in to cover for someone. He was heartbroken. I called her up and asked her if I could take him and his siblings for pizza. Of course she at first told me that it was not necessary. But I told her that I wanted to do something special for her and for her kids. She was a hard working mom and these kids have been staying after school to try to keep their grades up. So she gave in. You would have thought that I gave these kids a million dollars! I was so proud of them sitting there, tucking their napkins into their shirts, and using the manners that I kept trying to instill in them.
These "kids" are now 26 years old. Teachers don't realize how old they are until they hear how old their former students are! I'm friends with that child and his siblings on social media and it was just his birthday. So I wished him a happy birthday. Can you believe he STILL remembers that day!
Throughout that year, we listened to the song and sang the song as a reminder that I wasn't giving up on them and that I didn't want them to give up on me. It slowly became our classroom theme song.
So today, when I heard that song play on a commercial, my heart swelled up and I was taken back to that first year of my career. Now I'm in my 18th year of teaching. I still think of those "kids" daily. They made me the teacher that I am today. They put me through the wringer, but I am grateful for that. I try to imagine the type of teacher I would have turned out to be if they didn't toughen me up and challenge me the way they did.
As a teacher, it is so important to reflect on your school days. I go even further and think back and reflect on past years. Those years molded me. They also keep me grounded. They keep me true to my core. They are reminders of how far I have come. Trust me. There have been many rough years within my 18 years of teaching. But I look at each of those experiences and take them as learning experiences. Don't get me wrong, it is very difficult getting through those tough times and extremely hard to stay positive. I'm far from perfect and there are many times that I'm extremely hard on myself and question what in the world I'm doing. But we all need to remember to stop, take a breath, and remind ourselves that we aren't going to have picture perfect days every day in our teaching careers. We will have some pretty horrible days where we are ugly crying when we get home! But, we are human. We will survive it as long as we support each other.
So this year, 2020, it is definitely one for the books. Never in my wildest dreams would I have pictured myself teaching children live in my classroom and virtually to children who are home. Yes, we are ALL struggling. But, we will survive it. We will be stronger teachers from this. Sure, we might be crying into our pillows some mornings thinking that we can't do one more day of this virtual stuff! Sure, we may all have carpel tunnel from all of the extra computer work and neck and eye problems from looking at the screen so long. And yes, we will cringe every time we hear someone say "mute," "zoom," "google meet," and "glitching" in the future. But, we will get through it and (eventually) laugh about it in years to come.
How do I know this? Because today I'm smiling to myself with a full heart as I remember my first students back from 2003. It was a rough year...but I survived it. My students survived it. And, I have my students to thank for making me the teacher that I am today.
