"So I dig, deep in the belly of my soul"

Throughout the last few months, I have had an interest in learning more about Reiki and experiencing it firsthand. I've been practicing some of my own meditation and self care rituals, but I wanted to add a Reiki experience to my list of practices. So, today I went to my first Reiki session and it was better than I imagined. 

My Reiki master was very thorough. I was there for just slightly over two hours for the actually Reiki session and an intuitive reading afterwards that dug deep into my many layers and how to move forward. Best of all, she recorded the reading so I can hear her explanations again to remember things. She is also emailing me a report. I'm not going to go into all of the details of my reading, but I will share some of the highlights.

Who Am I?

If you have been following my blog, you may recall one of my latest blog posts that dug into the question of "Who Am I?" a little bit. It turns out that I need to do just that. According to my Reiki master, she said that right now I'm so full of what others expect me to be or what others think I am. But I need to dig down deep within myself to figure out what makes me ME. If you would have seen the look on my face!!! 

Another thing worth mentioning was that I'm supposed to be doing something BIGGER. What that is, I do not know. She asked me if I had any idea what it would be if I wasn't teaching. I told her about my passion for music and that I recently started a blog. She said that what I'm doing could be a stepping stone for something big to come. My energy field was just so huge and bright that it was "too big for my body and for what I'm doing in my life." 

She unveiled some of my fears that she got from the reading. I had mentioned to her that I am so full of anxiety sometimes that I don't even know where it is coming from. She found that I have a fear of not having enough time to do everything that I want and need to do. I also have a fear of failure. Both are true. I'm always rushing around, talking a mile a minute, as if there isn't enough time for everything. And yes, I'm always extremely hesitant of breaking out of my comfort zone for fear of failure.

The final thing from the reading that I want to share is that from my solar plexus down, she could not get any reading. There were no vibrations. I then shared with her that when I meditate, I visualize so vividly and I can feel its effects. However, my legs end up feeling like lead! She said I need to start doing some yoga to begin opening up those other chakras.

So....now what?!

I need use everything that I have gained from this reiki experiences to my benefit. But where to start? Well, I definitely need to come up with a plan:

• Get into a good yoga routine.
• Dig down deep to know and understand who I really am
• Find some good throat and heart chakra meditations to open them up even more
• When I start to feel the onset of anxiety arising, I need to face it head on and pick it apart to figure out what the actual trigger is. 

Life's Music Connection:

Now Playing: 

Maggie Koerner - "Dig Down Deep"

Album: Dig Down Deep EP

Let me introduce you to a powerhouse of a woman vocalist, Miss Maggie Koerner. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her live in Pompono Beach, Florida, back in April 2017. I remember the moment she opened her mouth to sing, the world around me stood still. I got chills. The only thing that existed at that moment in time was her voice and her lyrics. 

Maggie Koerner
CrawDebauchery Food and Music Festival
Pompano Beach, Florida
April 2017

Me and Maggie Koerner
World Cafe Live
Philadelphia, PA
September 18, 2019

Her music has really helped me through a lot since then. To be quite honest, I listen to her a lot at school after I put the children on their buses just to release any anxieties of the day. Certain artists speak to me. It's like they know what is going on in my head and their music is my antidote for any stress that I'm feeling.

So, the simple answer to many of my questions has been there all along. It was right in front of my face the entire time. It has been playing through my car, phone, and home speakers multiple days of the week. And yet I never REALLY listened to what Maggie was saying: 

"What do you say once in the light of day
What do you find once give in to time
So I did, so I dig, down in the belly of my soul
Dig down deep, deep deep deep
Deep in the belly where I lay"
-Maggie Koerner, "Dig Down Deep"

My Reiki master told me today that the reason I'm so exhausted is because I'm constantly trying to consciously figure things out within myself. That is what is draining all of the energy out of me. This whole time I thought I was exhausted from trying to block out negativity. The truth is, I need to stop trying to CONSCIOUSLY figure things out because it is deeper than that. Instead it needs to be done on a subconscious level. How? Maybe meditation. She even suggested using some singing bowls since I respond so well to music and sound.

I'm very glad I tried out Reiki today. The funny thing is, now that I am more aware of myself, my chakras, and my energy field, I have even more questions about myself. 

But, isn't that what always happens? Life can be such a puzzle sometimes. But I'll continue to piece together what makes me ME.

"Holdin' On"

Unfortunately last night I didn't make the time to relax to some music. It was a very busy day after school and preparing for my evening conferences on Google Meet. I went to my mother's to have dinner with her and my step-father and decided to just stay there to conduct my conferences. Don't get me wrong...the conferences went well. I have an amazing group of parents this year who are extremely supportive. But as you know, it's 2020 and we are all full of different anxieties over different things. 

It saddens me that some of my little rock starts become full of anxiety when doing their work virtually. We must remember that every child is different and they  process things in different ways. Some children thrive with virtual learning, while others need that in person contact with the teacher. So hearing about some of them having anxiety while learning from home hit me hard. I felt grateful that this one parent felt comfortable enough to open up to me about it. We discussed ideas, strategies, and tools they can use at home to help their child with coping with virtual learning. What just about broke me though was when the mother just about broke down crying in relief. It was like a ton of weight was lifted from her just knowing that we are going to all get through this together as a team. I reassured her that she is an amazing parent and has raised her child so wonderfully that she should not only be proud of him, but to also be proud of HERSELF. She got very emotional and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. But alas, we are on Google Meet.

I am one of those empaths that physically and emotionally feel what others are physically and emotionally feeling. So when this parent was telling me about their child's struggles with anxiety during their virtual learning days, I became overwhelmed with anxiety myself. I was literally feeling the same things he probably feels. I went to bed last night feeling restless, my heart racing, and my mind going a mile a minute. 

What I should have done? Listen to music. Obviously.

But did I do the obvious? Well, let's just say I'm hanging my head in shame as I answer with a pathetic "no." 

Out of all days/evenings, music was needed the most last night. I'm sure I would have had a little better of an evening and a better night's sleep if I did listen to some music. So, hopefully I learned my lesson.

Today is an all-virtual day for all students. They are all watching the video lessons and completing their assignments at home while I'm alone in my classroom meeting with students in groups and some 1-on-1 sessions. It's probably for the best that I'm alone in my room. Why? Well, can you guess what's going on in my classroom?

Music is playing. Yes, I do learn from my mistakes quickly (well, most of the time at least...no one is perfect and sometimes I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment).

Now playing: Citizen Cope (all albums on shuffle on my phone)

Today's spotlight tracks: "Holdin' On" and "Sideways"

If you haven't heard of Citizen Cope, I highly suggest giving them a listen. Very mellow stuff. One of my recent favorite tracks is "Holdin' On." It is one of those songs where the melody hits you straight in your core. I literally "feel" this song. Yes, I'm also one of those people who physically feel music. Sometimes I feel it on my skin. This song...well, I actually feel the melody running through my veins. 

There is some music I listen to for the lyrics. Then others I listen to for the melody. Then there are some special ones that both the lyrics and melody are equally powerful. I usually listen to Citizen Cope for the melodies. The instrumentals that I am listening to as I have it on shuffle are so soothing and therapeutic for me today. 

I am working hard today to keep my energy shield activated to block out negative energy. I'm continuing to take in only positive energy around me and release it into the world around me.

In the meantime, I continue to sing myself the lyrics
🎵 "Let yourself go girl, let yourself go..."🎵