After School Unwind Session: "They Call Me The Seeker"

Opening Up

I'm going to be open and honest with all of you:
I'm usually more concerned and worried about others than myself. I worry about my students. But I have to understand that I'm doing everything that I can to make virtual learning non-stressful for them. I need to tell myself "The Kids Are Alright." 

But what about me? Am I alright?

I've been having to go to the dentist lately because my TMJ is acting up pretty severely. It turns out I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw really bad at night. I've been on a soft food diet for over 2 weeks. Luckily, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, as well as wine, are "soft foods." Now I'm getting a night guard made to wear when I go to bed to prevent the grinding. The dentist said it is probably stress-driven and made a remark that maybe during summer break I won't need it anymore. Funny, and yet not funny at the same time.

I've been practicing so many mindfulness and mindset techniques to help with stress and anxiety that I face during the day. But how do I take control of it when I'm asleep?

Now Spinning: 
The Who - Meaty Beaty Big And Bouncy

"I'm looking for me
You're looking for you
We're looking in at each other
And we don't know what to do"
lyrics from "The Seeker"
Songwriter: Peter Townshend 

I thought this album was perfect to spin tonight for a few reasons. One being that there are so many amazing "The Who" hits compiled here. This is one that I can listen to straight through from beginning to end without skipping a track. If you recall, a couple evenings ago I played music and I focused on the instruments and melody. But tonight I'm focusing on lyrics. 

"The Seeker" really resonates with me this evening. It is crazy how music and lyrics work. I can listen to a song and it can mean one thing to me. But then you can go ahead and listen to the same song and you take it to mean something completely different. Only the songwriters know the TRUE meaning of each song they create. However, does that make our own different interpretations wrong? If we asked them, I don't think they would think so. That's the beautiful thing about art. Paintings are art that reaches our souls through our eyes. Music is art that reaches our souls through our ears.

I'm interpreting this song this evening as seeking things that are out of our reach. Things that no one else can help us find. This evening I'm seeking answers that only I can find for myself. I obviously need to figure out on a subconscious level what needs to be done to stop grinding my teeth at night. I need to figure out how to keep my energy shield up while I'm asleep...how to keep it up subconsciously. I'm seeking restful nights of sound sleep in bed where I'm not waking up at 3:30am daily with a clenched jaw.

I looked up some meditation videos on YouTube specifically for grinding teeth and found a few that are long enough that I should fall asleep before it ending. This is what I think I need. Maybe this will help me get some clarity subconsciously. 

Have you tried any meditation videos before for sleep? If so, please share your experiences in the comments as well as links if they are available! 

I will keep you posted on my bedtime meditations. So stick around on my blogging journey! We can all work together to achieve ultimate mental wellness.

"I keep my sunny side up"

Ever think to yourself "Wow, today has been such a good day! Everything is going so smoothly!" But then wonder "ok, it's too good to be true. Something is BOUND to happen!"

MINDSET

Mindset is everything. Today went so smoothly with our full virtual learning from home. My students, along with their parents and siblings, seem to really be enjoying listening to our classroom playlist as they wait for the Google Meet to start! Not only did the MUSIC lift me up this morning, but seeing the students and their family members smiling, bobbing their heads, and even dancing around made my heart smile! I was on cloud nine! The whole day went so smoothly with this brand new schedule. Shout out to my rock star parents who are going with the flow and easing into this routine with me!

Of course there were some of the usual hiccups that go hand in hand with virtual learning, such as Google Meet glitches, televisions on in the background and children being distracted by it and watching it instead of me. And we can't leave out that face that I feel like a "broken record" repeating "PLEASE mute yourself!" about 50 times. But other than that, it was great!

I'm training my brain to keep focusing on the positive. I'm breaking myself of the habit of thinking "yea, but it's too good to be true...I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop." Why is this so important to not fall down that slippery slope?

We create the energy around us. 

If we think positively, we will attract positive things into our lives. If we have negative thoughts, we will attract negative things into our lives. Now, don't go thinking "I'm going to win the lottery tonight!" and then expect that to happen, then get all upset with me if you don't win! Trust me, if I won the lottery every time I thought positively about it, I would be retired by now at an early age and probably living someplace warm!

Just start changing your mindset. Change the negative thoughts into positive thoughts. It isn't easy. But the first step is to be able to recognize when you have negative thoughts. Be more aware of your thinking. No one is perfect. A negative thought usually will sneak its way into my mind every day. But when it DOES happen, we need to address it and turn it into something positive.

I'm sure you all have said "UGH I'm so tired this morning! I want to stay in bed and not go to work! Why isn't it the weekend yet..."

Change your mindset and think "I'm grateful for the sleep that I got last night. I'm blessed that I have a job, and soon enough I will have a day off to sleep in and spend time with my family."

So right now, I'm very grateful for the day that I had with my students virtually. I'm focusing on that and being positive that the rest of my day will just like that, or even BETTER! I have my energy shield up and activated, blocking all of those negative thoughts that try to come my way.

I know, I know...this all seems like such a big shift to make in your thinking. But trust me, creating this shift will open you up to a more positive day to day life for you and those around you.

I want my students to start becoming more aware of their mindset as well. I think tomorrow I'll introduce them to this song and add it to our Classroom Playlist:

Surfaces - "Sunny Side Up"

🎵"I keep my sunny side up

So they can see me from above

I keep my sunny side up, oh

No more running from the love

Ooh, I keep my sunny side up

You keep your sunny side up

We keep our sunny sides up"🎵

Songwriters - Forrest Frank/Colin Padalecki

"So I dig, deep in the belly of my soul"

Throughout the last few months, I have had an interest in learning more about Reiki and experiencing it firsthand. I've been practicing some of my own meditation and self care rituals, but I wanted to add a Reiki experience to my list of practices. So, today I went to my first Reiki session and it was better than I imagined. 

My Reiki master was very thorough. I was there for just slightly over two hours for the actually Reiki session and an intuitive reading afterwards that dug deep into my many layers and how to move forward. Best of all, she recorded the reading so I can hear her explanations again to remember things. She is also emailing me a report. I'm not going to go into all of the details of my reading, but I will share some of the highlights.

Who Am I?

If you have been following my blog, you may recall one of my latest blog posts that dug into the question of "Who Am I?" a little bit. It turns out that I need to do just that. According to my Reiki master, she said that right now I'm so full of what others expect me to be or what others think I am. But I need to dig down deep within myself to figure out what makes me ME. If you would have seen the look on my face!!! 

Another thing worth mentioning was that I'm supposed to be doing something BIGGER. What that is, I do not know. She asked me if I had any idea what it would be if I wasn't teaching. I told her about my passion for music and that I recently started a blog. She said that what I'm doing could be a stepping stone for something big to come. My energy field was just so huge and bright that it was "too big for my body and for what I'm doing in my life." 

She unveiled some of my fears that she got from the reading. I had mentioned to her that I am so full of anxiety sometimes that I don't even know where it is coming from. She found that I have a fear of not having enough time to do everything that I want and need to do. I also have a fear of failure. Both are true. I'm always rushing around, talking a mile a minute, as if there isn't enough time for everything. And yes, I'm always extremely hesitant of breaking out of my comfort zone for fear of failure.

The final thing from the reading that I want to share is that from my solar plexus down, she could not get any reading. There were no vibrations. I then shared with her that when I meditate, I visualize so vividly and I can feel its effects. However, my legs end up feeling like lead! She said I need to start doing some yoga to begin opening up those other chakras.

So....now what?!

I need use everything that I have gained from this reiki experiences to my benefit. But where to start? Well, I definitely need to come up with a plan:

• Get into a good yoga routine.
• Dig down deep to know and understand who I really am
• Find some good throat and heart chakra meditations to open them up even more
• When I start to feel the onset of anxiety arising, I need to face it head on and pick it apart to figure out what the actual trigger is. 

Life's Music Connection:

Now Playing: 

Maggie Koerner - "Dig Down Deep"

Album: Dig Down Deep EP

Let me introduce you to a powerhouse of a woman vocalist, Miss Maggie Koerner. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her live in Pompono Beach, Florida, back in April 2017. I remember the moment she opened her mouth to sing, the world around me stood still. I got chills. The only thing that existed at that moment in time was her voice and her lyrics. 

Maggie Koerner
CrawDebauchery Food and Music Festival
Pompano Beach, Florida
April 2017

Me and Maggie Koerner
World Cafe Live
Philadelphia, PA
September 18, 2019

Her music has really helped me through a lot since then. To be quite honest, I listen to her a lot at school after I put the children on their buses just to release any anxieties of the day. Certain artists speak to me. It's like they know what is going on in my head and their music is my antidote for any stress that I'm feeling.

So, the simple answer to many of my questions has been there all along. It was right in front of my face the entire time. It has been playing through my car, phone, and home speakers multiple days of the week. And yet I never REALLY listened to what Maggie was saying: 

"What do you say once in the light of day
What do you find once give in to time
So I did, so I dig, down in the belly of my soul
Dig down deep, deep deep deep
Deep in the belly where I lay"
-Maggie Koerner, "Dig Down Deep"

My Reiki master told me today that the reason I'm so exhausted is because I'm constantly trying to consciously figure things out within myself. That is what is draining all of the energy out of me. This whole time I thought I was exhausted from trying to block out negativity. The truth is, I need to stop trying to CONSCIOUSLY figure things out because it is deeper than that. Instead it needs to be done on a subconscious level. How? Maybe meditation. She even suggested using some singing bowls since I respond so well to music and sound.

I'm very glad I tried out Reiki today. The funny thing is, now that I am more aware of myself, my chakras, and my energy field, I have even more questions about myself. 

But, isn't that what always happens? Life can be such a puzzle sometimes. But I'll continue to piece together what makes me ME.

After School Unwind Session: "Well, I've been thinking too much"

Today was not my finest. We are all allowed those kinds of days. But, just like I tell my students, we have to pay attention to how we react to things. Only WE can control how we react. Many things were setting different emotions off for me. But, I kept myself in check. I reminded myself that it's all about my mindset and I tried to keep my energy shield up, blocking out negative energy and only letting in the positive.

Now Spinning: 

Gary Clark Jr. - Live/North America 2016

Key lyric:
"This music is my healing
This music is my healing
Lord knows I need some healing
'Cause when this world upsets me
This music sets me free, yeah"
Gary Clark Jr. - "The Healing"

That lyric is absolutely perfect for me in this moment. And listening to this live album is exactly what I needed. As I listen to this album, it brings me back to the few times that I was able to see him live in concert. 

The first time I saw Gary Clark Jr. live, I was in awe. I heard some of his stuff before just from streaming music. This boy can play! He is bringing the blues back! It's been a long time since we have had some really good blues/blues rock. Think about it...has there been anyone in the last few decades that could really move you like B.B. King, Muddy Waters, or Robert Johnson? Robert Johnson passed before my time. Muddy Waters left this world when I was only 2 years old. But I was blessed enough to have had the chance to see B.B. King live. I went alone to this concert because it was last minute and I really didn't know of anyone who would be interesting in seeing him, Al Green, and Little Richard. (yes, it was as amazing as that lineup sounds!) 

Getting to see Gary Clark Jr. live was great because I could FINALLY see some good, live blues/rock of modern times. It was a phenomenal show. So, when the opportunity came around again to see him, I knew I had to go back for some more! I got a friend of mine to join me and really pumped him up on what to expect, how his mind will be blown away and how he will get all "the feels." I just couldn't wait to share this live experience with someone who never saw him live before!

Well, sadly, this show wasn't as good as the first for me. Honestly, it was a bit of a letdown. So much so that we left a little early just to beat the crowd and the traffic. I NEVER leave concerts early! It's not that it was a BAD show. It was just...meh. He was playing a lot of his brand new songs. Most of the songs all sounded the same to me. And I don't think the sound in the venue was the greatest that night as well.

I'm a concert junkie. So with as many concerts as I go to, there will of course be some let downs. 

The Takeaway
After listening, unwinding, and reflecting this evening, I have to realize that we all will have an off-day. We can't hold this high standards and high expectations and assume that each day will go smoothly. We will just let ourselves down. I'm not saying that we should have expectations and standards to live by each day and try to accomplish. However, we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when things fail...or when we fail. We need to reflect and learn from it. We have to keep moving forward. 

We are the rock stars of our own shows. Only we can control how we live it, how we learn from it, and how we grow each and everyday. 

Even when we feel like the crowd is booing us, the show must go on.

"Gotta Keep Going...Keep Going...Keep Going...Keep Going..."

One would think that I would be used to wearing a mask by now!

I always keep spare masks in my car, one in my purse, one in my pocket, and the one I plan to wear to school on my face as I'm walking out my door first thing in the morning. After driving for only 2 minutes, I realized I had no masks on me. UGHHHHH...so I turned around and went back home. You may think it's no big deal. Luckily I was only 2 minutes away, right? Well, I live on the third floor of my condo and my parking spot isn't close to my entrance. Needless to say, I decided that was my cardio for the day! I got a ton of steps in AND my own personal stair master!

I introduced a new song to my first graders today that I haven't played for them yet.

Today's Track: The Revivalists - "Keep Going"

I told them that this song resonated with me today because I had a rough morning and just about felt defeated. But I have to keep going on with my day and keep pushing through any challenges that come my way. I played the song a couple times for them and they seemed to really enjoy it! I'm super psyched that I'm turning them into mini "RevHeads!" That is what we call our fan base for The Revivalists.

So, it was a nice learning experience for the children first thing in the morning. They also got to see that I am human and can get frustrated at times as well when things don't go as smoothly as like...even simply getting ready for school today caused some challenges for me. The important thing is to identify our feeling and then handle it in the appropriate way. I told them that I was feeling frustrated and defeated. I was upset with myself, thinking, "How could I be so forgetful?" But I turned around, got my mask, took some deep breaths, played my music, and kept going.

I think this was meant to happen. They always say things happen for a reason, right? Well, today we were scheduled to have our school counselor come in to our class to talk about feelings. It was PERFECT! It was as if I actually PLANNED on having the kind of morning that I did (TRUST ME...I would NEVER plan THAT kind of morning)! We learned more about chameleons. 

Fun Fact About Chameleons

Did you know that most chameleons change color NOT just to camouflage with their environment, but they change color based on what they are FEELING? This was VERY interesting to me! So we watched a video on YouTube of a chameleon changing color numerous times, but not changing to blend it. This video is a must watch! 

Then we all talked about feelings and colors that we may associate with them. She displayed this sign for the class as we reviewed the different feelings and colors. But she said that we might have different colors that we associate with a feeling, and that is ok. We learned to take deep, long, quiet breaths in through our noses and out through our mouths to calm down uncomfortable feelings. We discussed how it's ok if we feel a certain way...we are ALLOWED to feel how we feel. What is important is what we DO with those feelings and how we act. Only WE can control our reactions to things. We cannot blame others for how we behave.

Gotta Practice What I Preach

So, remember how frustrated I was this morning with how forgetful I was?! I even said numerous times, "This is the MONDAY-EST Monday EVER!"

I have to practice what I preach. I can't let a rough morning mess up my entire day. So, I kept going. And going...and going...and going....so much so that I decided to get more cardio in. I wasn't going to let that frustration decide FOR ME what my cardio routine was going to look like today! I spent my lunch walking with my amazing friends/coworkers, Melanie and Sarah. In reality, me forgetting my mask just pushed me to get more steps in today, which is never a bad thing. 

See, things always happen for a reason. 

After School Unwind Session: "People are strange..."

On this very chilly day, I need some good, classic music to warm me up. Today I was in the mood to listen to The Doors. I have a few of their albums, so it took some time to decide which one to go with. 

Now Spinning:
The Doors - Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mine (1972) Record Store Day Limited Edition on
Translucent Amber Vinyl (5,500 numbered copies)

What pushed me to this album today?

• The warm amber color of the vinyl
• Some of my favorite doors songs appear on this 2LP 
• It's been a while since I played this one

Honestly, I couldn't have gone wrong with any Doors album I chose. For me, the key tracks to this album are as follows:

• The Wasp (Texas Radio & The Big Beat) - there's just something about the beat to this song that I can never get enough of
• The End - talk about a goodbye song! Powerful and deep that may have many meanings
• L.A.Woman - this song is like a rollercoaster; I literally have to put the car in cruise control if it comes on because I'll end up speeding, then slowing down, then back to speeding again.
• Riders on the Storm - last song Morrison recorded, which makes it even more eerie

With only 4 men in the band and the use of only 3 instruments (guitar, keyboard, drums), they made it work! They didn't need a ton of instruments to give their music the depth, beauty, and complexity that we hear. It seems more often than not with today's music, bands need and want many members on a variety of instruments. Don't worry, I'm not knocking it! Some of my favorite bands have a long list of musicians and instruments on the stage and their music is amazing! But somehow, these 4 guys made a huge impact with simply a guitar, keyboard, and drums. That should speak volumes about their talent.

So where am I going with all of this? Well, I'm listening and reflecting as I write and a thought came to my mind:

They kept it simple with their instruments and created beautiful music, becoming successful. Can we apply that same concept to our everyday lives?

In today's society, it is so easy to get carried away with things. Need proof? Just look at social media! Everyone posts all of these wonderful things going on in their lives and they try to beef it up as much as they can. Gone are the days of simply taking a picture and praying it comes out nicely and not cutting off someone's head. Now, it is more like a competition to prove that our lives are better than anyone else's. I know, I know...most of us don't actually consciously think that. But think about it: why are people filtering their pictures, cropping them, and using other editing techniques? They want to fluff it up to make it seem as perfect as possible. By the time we are done fluffing it up, it looks almost NOTHING like the original! The same can be said about written posts with no pictures.

WHY do we need to fluff things up?

My opinion...society is making us that way. And that makes me very sad. Why can't we be happy with simple things? Please don't think I'm judging and throwing everyone into one big group. But do me a favor and scroll through your Instagram, SnapChat, Facebook...whatever you have. You will see more "fluffed up" and "bedazzled" posts and pictures than authentic and natural ones. For me it is mentally draining to scroll through anymore. It's either all bragging (which subconsciously makes us feel bad about ourselves) or it's tearing others apart (which just throws negative energy into our lives).

"Whoever controls the media controls the mind." 
- Jim Morrison

Back To The Basics

As a whole, I think we need to be more comfortable with who we are and what we do and be proud of every part of it...flaws and all. That's what makes us human. We need to have the confidence and the courage to be real and raw, like The Doors with their stripped down music (minus the drugs and addictions). That is where the real beauty is...not just with physical appearances, but in everything that we do.

So with all of that being said, I want to really start keeping things simple and real in my personal life and at work. I want to be more true to myself. I don't want to make myself crazy biting off more than I can chew, get attention, and try to live up to these horrible social media standards. I've already taken a giant step back from social media, which is a huge step and the first step in the process. Now I need to just take pride in who I am and focus on the simple things that make me happy, create positivity, and spread love and joy. 

That's it. 

The bare bones. 

The simple and raw me.

I hope that all of you will also appreciate the simple things as well and be proud of yourself for who you are and everything that you have accomplished in your life. You deserve it.

Love yourself...flaws and all.

"Feet Don't Fail Me Now"

We made it to Friday! WHOOP WHOOP!

This morning was another cold, rainy miserable morning...the kind that you just want to stay in your pajamas wrapped in a blanket. I had to change my mindset first thing this morning and put up my energy shield because I was NOT letting this weather determine the kind of day I was going to have.

If I tell you that these kids came in today with a lot of energy, that is a complete and total understatement. Seriously. I wish I had the energy that they had just in their little finger! I hoped and prayed that their energy would be contagious, but my immune system must have been REALLY strong against catching that today. So what to do?

Dance it out, of course!

Today's Track: "You and I" by The Revivalists

"'cause all I wanna do is dance

I just wanna raise my hands

Raise em' up to the sky

It's just you and I"

When the kids come in with that much energy, we have to make sure we take many "brain breaks" throughout the day to get the wiggles and excitement out. Dancing it out to THIS song in particular actually wore them out! Plus, it gave me the jolt of energy I needed to survive the day. (side note: it made me realize how desperately I need to get in more cardio!)

Today, music wasn't used in my classroom to cope with uncomfortable emotions. It was used to release excess energy so the students could focus better on the lessons and their work and not feel restless. But at the same time, the same song was used for me to wake up and give me more energy. How wonderful and powerful it is for a single song to have the ability to help us with our energies in two completely different ways.

Your homework assignment for the weekend (sorry, but I'm going to be THAT teacher right now): really think about my favorite line from this song. See if you can apply it to your own lives...

🎵 "Do you live in the moment when you think about the future?" 🎵

"Holdin' On"

Unfortunately last night I didn't make the time to relax to some music. It was a very busy day after school and preparing for my evening conferences on Google Meet. I went to my mother's to have dinner with her and my step-father and decided to just stay there to conduct my conferences. Don't get me wrong...the conferences went well. I have an amazing group of parents this year who are extremely supportive. But as you know, it's 2020 and we are all full of different anxieties over different things. 

It saddens me that some of my little rock starts become full of anxiety when doing their work virtually. We must remember that every child is different and they  process things in different ways. Some children thrive with virtual learning, while others need that in person contact with the teacher. So hearing about some of them having anxiety while learning from home hit me hard. I felt grateful that this one parent felt comfortable enough to open up to me about it. We discussed ideas, strategies, and tools they can use at home to help their child with coping with virtual learning. What just about broke me though was when the mother just about broke down crying in relief. It was like a ton of weight was lifted from her just knowing that we are going to all get through this together as a team. I reassured her that she is an amazing parent and has raised her child so wonderfully that she should not only be proud of him, but to also be proud of HERSELF. She got very emotional and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. But alas, we are on Google Meet.

I am one of those empaths that physically and emotionally feel what others are physically and emotionally feeling. So when this parent was telling me about their child's struggles with anxiety during their virtual learning days, I became overwhelmed with anxiety myself. I was literally feeling the same things he probably feels. I went to bed last night feeling restless, my heart racing, and my mind going a mile a minute. 

What I should have done? Listen to music. Obviously.

But did I do the obvious? Well, let's just say I'm hanging my head in shame as I answer with a pathetic "no." 

Out of all days/evenings, music was needed the most last night. I'm sure I would have had a little better of an evening and a better night's sleep if I did listen to some music. So, hopefully I learned my lesson.

Today is an all-virtual day for all students. They are all watching the video lessons and completing their assignments at home while I'm alone in my classroom meeting with students in groups and some 1-on-1 sessions. It's probably for the best that I'm alone in my room. Why? Well, can you guess what's going on in my classroom?

Music is playing. Yes, I do learn from my mistakes quickly (well, most of the time at least...no one is perfect and sometimes I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment).

Now playing: Citizen Cope (all albums on shuffle on my phone)

Today's spotlight tracks: "Holdin' On" and "Sideways"

If you haven't heard of Citizen Cope, I highly suggest giving them a listen. Very mellow stuff. One of my recent favorite tracks is "Holdin' On." It is one of those songs where the melody hits you straight in your core. I literally "feel" this song. Yes, I'm also one of those people who physically feel music. Sometimes I feel it on my skin. This song...well, I actually feel the melody running through my veins. 

There is some music I listen to for the lyrics. Then others I listen to for the melody. Then there are some special ones that both the lyrics and melody are equally powerful. I usually listen to Citizen Cope for the melodies. The instrumentals that I am listening to as I have it on shuffle are so soothing and therapeutic for me today. 

I am working hard today to keep my energy shield activated to block out negative energy. I'm continuing to take in only positive energy around me and release it into the world around me.

In the meantime, I continue to sing myself the lyrics
🎵 "Let yourself go girl, let yourself go..."🎵